Dear reader,
I have been receiving psychiatric help in the form of listening and medication for the last thirty years. Since psychiatry commenced I have been left to my own devices. Before I was diagnosed mentally ill with schizophrenia I had obtained nine O-levels, three A-levels and a B.Sc. in microbiology from Bristol university. Since my diagnoses I have only obtained a city & guilds in computer programming in BBC Basic, and have only managed to hold down three jobs for a matter of a couple of months each time and two other jobs for around a month each. Admittedly I had also received a punctured liver in an assault which left my very neurotic around other people including in a working environment.
My diagnosis took place at Aston university while studying for an M.Sc. in Information technology after the campus doctor asked me to be seen by a visiting consultant. After the interview I was put on Modicate injections which were based on modified snake venom, or so I have heard. Is this what is now being referred to as toxic psychiatry. I did not not complete my M.Sc. and When I left the campus my feet kept arching and every few steps I had to sop and voluntarily place the heels of my feet back on the ground. It was a long and painful process making my way to Birmingham New street station. Was this reaction an overdose of the drug, a side affect or an allergy.
I had previously also been an outpatient at the Bristol Royal Infirmary and my return to Bristol led to me being put on a less stringent drug Depixel, although this meant I was out of breath at times.
Here is a list of the drugs that I have taken for my schizophrenia :-
1. Stelazine
2. Thioridazine
3. Chlorpromazine
4. valium.
5. Pimozide
6. Melleril
7. Sulperide
8. Seroquel
9. Modicate
10. Depixel
11. Olanzapine
Quite a cocktail of drugs.
I think the above are most of the psychiatric drugs I have taken.
I wonder about some of the health issues from taking these drugs. Thioridazine has effects on the heart and vision. In recent years I have developed a chest complaint and have to wear glasses for reading. It is possible though that these could be attributable to some other cause.
I took chlorpromazine without realising that it is used as an anti - emetic as well as an anti - psychotic drug. In the 70's I was rushed to hospital in an ambulance with distonia as the result of a side effect from Maxalon taken for a stomach bug. I was kept in hospital under observation for a week with some time off school afterwards. Could this drug or any of the others I have taken account for the psychological distress I have been experiencing.
I wonder if these drugs have left me mentally impaired.
The Bristol Royal Infirmary consultant told me that he did not believe in labeling people and that I had just had some kind of breakdown. I think this is a reasonable approach as most doctors these days do not take an interest in a personal history and just make generalisations based on symptoms. I certainly believe in the experiential aspect of an illness with being familiar with the pressures and family tree of emotions that precipitated my illness, i.e. 'being there'. I could branch off and go into the study of ontology and metaphysics both rationalising being but I do not wish to digress at this point.
It is possible that these conceptions and generalisations based on symptoms are moving from the objective to the subjective and involve discriminatory processes which throws the baby out the bath water. We need less of a runaway train of convergent thinking and need to step back and view the whole picture and objectify ourselves.
The BRI's approach was progressive and reminds of R.D. Laing's work with existential psychiatry where the patient is given a safe framework and presented with the opportunity to see that a situation is not necessarily life threatening and he / she has a chance to resolve his / her defences.
On moving to Barnstaple I have been working on a twelve step recovery program with my psychiatrist. Step four is taking a moral inventory of my character defects / pathological behaviour and confessing it. Then I make amends for the trouble these defects have caused, resulting in less guilt trips and the persecutory rhetoric that has ensued since going down the psychiatric pathway / illness, and also my stab wound.
A recent New Scientist magazine has recently contained an article on cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) instead of a chemical straight jacket.
Are my drug regimes an example of toxic psychiatry. Were they really necessary or should I rationalise it by saying we have to make progress from some starting point. will there be humility or recognition for someone like me who has gone through the system?
Richard Gross in his book Challenges in psychology states that in the past there have been leper colonies, next came the burning of witches at the stake, and today it is psychiatry.
